Jack’s Turn

So as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, it’s now Jacks turn to have the same evaluation that max had. When we set it up for Max we went to the leap program out of mass general, and I they made it so easy for us. The Dr he saw was so nice to me when I teared up in her office and so gentle when she gave us the diagnosis. The only thing about it that I didn’t like was that it took nine months from making the appointment to actually being seen. That number says a lot about the number of kids being tested these days. There are a few other big name hospitals that do the same testing, but the wait was just as long. Back in June when our pediatrician recommended Jack be tested too I called the top three and i was shocked when Boston Children’s wait was only four months now. I am not sure if they streamlined the process, hired more staff, or just are seeing less kids right now (unlikely) but I was delighted. This meant five less months wondering about the outcome. I submitted the paperwork three weeks ago knowing they would call me to schedule and took another deep breath, it was out of my hands.

They called this morning. His appointment is four weeks to the day today. I am a seasoned veteran of this process and yet I found myself eating raw cookie dough and texting my bestie that I want to puke. Why? I have been through it once. I am aware of all the paperwork that we will need to fill out there, how to pack a bag for the day. I know what a diagnosis means at this point. I have a massive support system I didn’t have before.

I think it’s because it will be here in seconds. We are already halfway through september and its flown by, so October 16th will be here before I know it. With max I had 9 months to prepare myself. The long wait was torture and gave me lots of times to wonder if maybe I had lost my mind. I almost cancelled the evaluation at one point. It also gave me lots of time to figure out my feelings one way or another. If they had come back and said that he was a 100% typical child I probably would be taking an anxiety med right now, I knew I would call my Dr. not long after the appointment to ask for one. Then I would have told everyone that I was crazy, my friends and family would have ben reassuring and life would have gone on. I also had time to come to terms with what autism would mean for us. It opened up so many more doors for us and programs for max with the official paperwork. He plays soccer now (plays is being generous), is part of a wonderful ice skating program that he has thrived in. It opened up a community I wasn’t sure I could take part in when I just saw something off but it hadn’t been confirmed. Its opened up conversations with my family as they do their best to understand how autism works for max, and how to help him. I could go on and on and on.

WIth Jack, I am not sure how I feel. I knew in my heart of hearts what they would say about max. Jack shares so many of the signs I saw when max was little but explained away. That is where I get stuck with him. The spotlight is on Jack far brighter than it was on Max because of all we now know. So we could be wrong, and maybe he is just a quirky kid. Or he could have autism like max and we would be able to get him help earlier. I bounce back and forth between the two sides so often that sometimes I have to force the thoughts out of my head. Bravo tv was made for this exact purpose. I just need a fresh pair of eyes that are well-trained, so back to the evaluation room we go.