If you read the previous blog, you know that our meeting for max’s iep went well. Part of this (in my opinion) is because my son’s teacher who had not been helpful previously was not in attendance. Here is what I get from her facial expressions:
Eye roll: you have unrealistic and grossly outrageous expectations for what a 5.5 year old should be able to do.
Smug-ish smile: I may know your son better than you. Also I think his diagnosis is wrong. I think you found some quack to give you what you wanted.
Sigh. I know this is my shit I have to work through. These are things that I fear people think about me so I have put them on her because of her attitude towards my concerns. I am trying not to be unfair, but its truly how I feel. Nothing triggers me more than when I feel like someone isn’t taking me seriously. I do NOT like to go to these meetings, I do not like feeling like I am on trial and trying to explain what happening at home. If I schedule a meeting with them, it is because I really need to talk to them or I need their help. I understand max is a quiet angel in class, but not so much the rest of his day. If you don’t see it, it can be hard to understand and I accept that. Max is slowly losing his grip now and starting to have some epic melt downs in front of other people. If you and I hang out enough, you will get to see it too. Maybe it’s only a matter of time till he does it at school. The rational parent inside of me hopes it doesn’t because that means he would be acting inappropriately. When he melts there is a lot of screaming, tears, and self injuring (scratching his face, punching his legs or head.) I don’t want that to happen in school because I know how out of control he feels. It comes out of his pores. The mother in me wants to be there to calm him down. There is a part of me that wishes it would though, because then they could see it. Work on it with him. It’s extremely hard to know how to react when it happens without the support of someone who knows what the right way to handle it is. I feel like I am swimming upstream parenting most days.
Part of max having autism is his intense and deep love for things that spin. Especially fans and vacuum cleaners. This is classic. I should have clued in earlier to what was going on based on the hours that he could spend looking at all the parts and seeking spinning things out of our home. I said he had fan eyes. Seasoned veteran of the autism world that I am (BULLSHIT, I feel as though I know nothing), that could have tipped me off. We are at the point now where we tell max that its not appropriate to talk non stop about, and that friends don’t want to play/discuss fan blades of vacuum cleaners. He gets it now for the most part and tries. He really does. Every now and then is sneaks out though. This friday morning I was in the bathroom I heard max in the hallway muttering to himself. After 10 min, I interrupted him and asked what he was doing. He very excitedly explained to me that he was using his camera to take pictures of the vacuum cleaner because he wanted me to print them and give them to his teachers. I laughed knowing in my head that this was weird and the topic changed. Later on I texted jen laughing about it and she said, “why not print them out? Why not let him do that. Maybe it will show them some of what you have been talking about.”
I have to admit, it appealed to me. I felt like it was kind of a dick move on my part, but so was her rolling her eyes when I spoke. When max got off the bus that afternoon and I told him I printed his pictures, he lit up. He was so excited about giving them to her that he perseverated on it all weekend, and it was a three day weekend. A long three day weekend. This morning he checked his back pack three times to make sure they were there and he got on the bus happy to give her a picture of his favorite thing. I let him go, laughing a little in my head about it. I feel like she doesn’t get it, so maybe letting him do what he wanted would let her in a little, open her eyes to it a little.
Fast forward to him getting off the bus. As he was getting off he gave his afternoon bus driver a very blurry photo he took of Jen and her husband. Awkward. I just smiled at her and said go with it, he is excited because he took the pictures and wanted to share them. She laughed, thanked him and took it. As we walked into the house, this is the conversation:
“How was school, did your teacher get you picture?”
“It was ok. I showed the picture to my teacher and told her it was for her and she didn’t want it.”
“What? She didn’t want it?”
“No. She told me she wasn’t interested in fans. The other teacher took one though.”
That was it. I didn’t ask how he felt about it because i was a little stunned that it happened this way. Later on I asked him and he said it made him feel sad that she didn’t want it. I was a little taken back by it all. I knew she wasn’t interested in fans or vacuums. Duh. I figured since he was a preschool kid showing up with something he wanted to give her, she would just take it. Obviously throw it out, probably with the pile of coffee mugs she gets. Looking at him, innocent and all big blue eyes, wouldn’t you just take the damn picture???? My husbands response to this was more colorful but not blog appropriate.
That is the emotional mom response. My rational mind kind of understands a little more. I know that I have said several times to him that I don’t want to talk about fans/vacuum cleaners. That it isn’t an appropriate topic of conversation and not everyone wants to talk about fen/vacuums like you do. I understand that part of it a little. Mostly I wish she would have taken it, said thank you and then told him to go play. Sigh. We are working hard to teach the kid social skills, perhaps this sent the wrong message.
I don’t really know how I feel yet, I am bouncing back and forth between the two. Being the insulted on behalf of my child mom or the understanding of the fact that this may not be normal mom. I don’t know if I am going to just let it go, or if I will write her a note. Because max was so excited, I am sharing his pictures with you. Lucky you, blog community. Feel free to ignore them, or get excited by them. Your call.
Autism Squared 